I WENT TO A WEDDING

Hopefully all of you can see this thing!
I went to a wedding the other day and learned many things. I will now list the things I learned.

-If a bus boy* spills apple cider on your back you will NOT get a free wedding out of it.
-I don't know the difference between tonic water and club soda.
-The difference between a Llama and an Alpaca.
-How to spell Alpaca (NO K IN THERE).
-Some people are really named Dash.
-I can't tell when someone is drunk.
-A nerd** is dating the woman I proposed to when I was 14.
-My dancing skillz have improved slightly.
-Blue macaws can adapt to a California winter climate.
-It is acceptable for a professional photographer to wear a cape and a tabasco tie (and to be Chairman Kaga)

* Is this the proper term?
** He's cool.

P.S. I bought some better pens. This will probably benefit Planet For One somehow!